The Pornosseuse Report's Journal|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Pornosseuse Report's LiveJournal:
|Thursday, October 2nd, 2008|
After last week's abysmal pornography viewing, I decided to go for something a little more classy and Charli seemed just the movie for such a thing. Amusingly, it gives the same warning about the film being for adults only, but this time instead of having someone getting cockslapped in the background, there's just kissing. I'll give them that.
The DVD menu has some hot sex and then we're off!
It's a lovely evening. There's a fire crackling in the fireplace as a man and woman make sweet, sweet love to some classic babymaking music. The scene is dark, just the very surfaces of their bodies shown in the firelight. But lo! A promising thing!
( What is it?Collapse )
THE SHORT AND THE THICK:
THE GOOD: Jack is pretty hot, the plot was great and I wanted to cry right along with Charli.
THE BAD: Al is a bad influence!
THE UGLY: Wayne. What a douche >O. Also, no one should have such a noticeable tan line for a Speedo. Bad tanning choice, Jack.
CONTAINS: Natural breasts, hetero sex, lesbian sex, blow jobs, attempted adultery, pubic hair!
GREAT FOR...: Everyone, but especially couples. It's a romance movie that just happens to be X-rated.
TIME TO FRENCH NAILS: Charli is far too good of a porn for French nails. A lot of the scenes had the women wearing nail polish but none were French.
|Saturday, September 27th, 2008|
Midget on Milligan's Island
Sup guise. Long time.
Anyway, back in the day I went to a small college up in New England. One night we decided to drive to Albany and came across a place called Sheer Pleasures. It was easily one of the grossest places in existence complete with a counter guy with sticky, jizzy hands handling both my roommate's and my fortunately plastic IDs and my friend Bre's unfortunately paper ID, but we managed to pick up a fine film called Midget Goes Hawaiian. We took it back to our small college (which, by the way, had [has?] a nude activities club) and watched it in the common room outside of our room. At the end of it, we were excited to see that there was a sequel to the damn thing. We laughed, talked about finding it... and then five years passed (oh fuck I'm old).
So here it is: the promised sequel to Midget Goes Hawaiian: Midget on Milligan's Island.
And unlike its predecessor, it's in stereo!! Or maybe it was just my TV at college that was mono. I can't remember. After all, damn, I'm 23 and senility is finding its way into my brain.
THE SHORT AND THE THICK: I have no fucking clue what just happened.
THE GOOD: There was something GOOD in that? I guess maybe the recap of the original because the original was pretty classic, but other than that... I guess the banana phone. I liked the banana phone.
THE BAD: There was no underlying story like the deep King of Space storyline of the previous installment. This made me very sad.
THE UGLY: Creepy two-year-old guy, stringy hair,
CONTAINS: Midget, anal licking, hetero sex, anal sex, exploitation of native peoples, 69, natural titties, sex with shoes on (unacceptable).
GREAT FOR...: No one. Midget enthusiasts I guess, but probably not anyone who enjoyed the first movie >(.
TIME TO FRENCH NAILS: 7:26
|Saturday, October 6th, 2007|
|Friday, October 5th, 2007|
In anti-observation of PORN SUNDAY
, this weekend is gonna be a triple-shock of porn reviews.
Friday, 5 October: Panty Raid
Saturday, 6 October: Prisoner of Paradise
Sunday, 7 October: Midget on Milligan's Island
|Tuesday, September 25th, 2007|
Behind the Green Door
I knew this one was gonna be awesome when the DVD menu looked like a masquerade.( Yay, orgies!Collapse )
THE SHORT AND THE THICK: Orgy!
THE GOOD: Everything was good, actually.
THE BAD: Don't really like clowns or mimes, and the beginning had too much mime.
THE UGLY: Actually, I liked all of the people too.
CONTAINS: Rape fantasy, lesbians, triple jackoff, orgies.
GREAT FOR...: Everyone. In fact, this is the first porn that I'd recommend for a couple wanting something to have sex to.
TIME TO FRENCH NAILS: n/a. After all, this is the 70s, and that's back when porn wasn't a joke.
|Saturday, September 8th, 2007|
So it's been over a year since the last report, and here I am again. At first, I was like 'shit, I should do a serious porn report the likes of Deep Throat or Misty Beethoven.' Fate intervened, however, and my sister decided that she wanted to watch The 40 Year-Old Virgin for the first time. As I watched Stormy Waters talking to Steve Carrell, I knew I needed to aim a little lower that I first intended.
The subject of this report is Acid Dreams, admittedly chosen for it's Dr Strangelovian plot synopsis on URentDVDs. And here we go~
First of all, the fuckin' thing at the beginning about not giving porn to kids was in like motherfucking twelve languages. OKAY, WE GET IT. They even had like... the French for France and the French for Switzerland. You know, last time I was in Switzerland, there really wasn't a difference between the two. And also, last time I checked, Russia speaks Russian, not whatever language that was. GÜFA OH NOES.
THE SHORT AND THE THICK: I watched that entire thing from beginning to end and I still have absolutely no fucking clue what was supposed to be accomplished with this plan. It had such potential. Also, this was not like any acid trip I've ever been on
THE GOOD: The makeup? The Russian girl's eyes, but I think they might be contacts. If they aren't, then awesome. Also enjoy that chair.
THE BAD: Just like Space Nuts, the length. Three hours of absolutely no storyline. I wanted waaaaay more Dr Strangelove, dammit!
THE UGLY: Beehive and Ex-Roommate. Actually, most of the women, now that I think about it.
CONTAINS: Voyeurism, ménage à trois, double blowjob, blowjobs galore, double entry, dominating, muff-diving, pearl necklaces
GREAT FOR...: People who are actually wanting to watch porn for the sex, I guess.
TIME TO FRENCH NAILS: 4:14
|Friday, September 7th, 2007|
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